Friday, January 1, 2010

Racing Age - 44

I renewed my USAC license this week. I paid a fairly large sum of cash so I could pay more large sums of cash all through the year to travel all over the durty south and punish my body in various and sundry ways most of which involving a bicycle. One of the unique items on my USAC license is my "racing age". It isn't my current age or my DOB, it is listed as the age I will be on December 31, 2010. Obviously it is assuming I do not die in a firey plane crash or by being run over by a Buick full of blue-hair old ladies on their way to the Golden Corral any given Sunday after church.

My racing age is 44. It's a good thing I am not sensative to such things. Obviously USAC is not operated by women (no offense ladies) because you would NEVER see age on the damn license anywhere. It's more likely run by mean, older brother types. You know the ones that like to snap towels on your ass and push you down stairs and stuff like that. I wonder why they stopped at racing age? Why not have racing weight? Skill level? Riding ability? Special requirements?

Mine could look like this:
Racing Age - 44
Racing Weight - Fat
Skill Level - not the best
Riding Ability - Some days I suck, others I rock.
Special Requirements - I need a cold beer at the end of every race that lasts up to 2 hours. One beer per racing hour after 4 hours up to 12 hours. If I win, I need 5 or 6 more beers and maybe an Irish Car Bomb or some Tequila to celebrate also I will require someone to cart my fat, alcohol reeking ass back to the motel, RV, tent, et cetera from which I came so I can sleep it off. I need a massage before and after any race and at Cyclocross races where the ambient temperature is less than 50 degrees, I need a hot towel at finish and some hot cider with a shot of spiced rum.

Hmmm..... I can see a flaw in that system. Maybe we should just stick with racing age.

3 comments:

JimiMimni said...

Mmmmm Irish Car Bombs. Mmmmm You're makin' me thirsty Duck!

Mike Patterson said...

Mine has 50 Im going to keep going till I win the prettiest body in the graveyard award.

Joshua Stamper said...

sometimes I get confused between what my actual age is and my racing age and have to pull out my other license and do the math.